Powerful Love

  In my shame, I sought to honestly address what frustrated me and to find ways to manage and change. Self-awareness plus practical solutions have brought me more emotional balance ever since. How? I worked hard to become patient, adjust my expectations, and respond reasonably when angry.   In the process, I learned these 3 healthy ways to manage frustration. 1. Exercise Regularly How a man expresses frustration can get out of hand if he doesn’t have proper outlets of release. Many men struggle to talk it out. If you are like me, you want to break something when you’re frustrated. But at times like those, if we channel our energy into exercise, we find ourselves in a win-win situation. The built-up frustration is released constructively and our general health improves. 2. Change Your Expectations It has been said that “expectation is the mother of all frustration.” We need to manage our expectations so they are grounded in reality. This applies to our marriages,...

  When we yell, our kids may feel like we don’t understand them or that we’re being unfair, or they might feel guilty and think we view them differently because of their mistakes. So when we yell, it’s crucial to manage the aftermath in a way that shows our kids that we’ll always love and support them, no matter the mistake.   Here are 3 things to do after you’ve yelled at your kids. 1. Tell them you love them. Your children know you love them—and they love you. However, after yelling at kids, both sides may question the other’s feelings. It’s important after yelling to reaffirm to your child that you love him or her. In many situations, it’s probably a good idea to wait until emotions have calmed down so your kid can hear you with a more open heart. 2. Show them you love them. This might be as simple as walking into your kid’s room, giving him or her a hug, and walking away without saying a word. Or it might be related to the reason you disciplined your child. ...

  Are you creating family tension in your house? Our kids’ emotional well-being is largely determined by us. Our temperament, character, and behavior can provide kids with a sense of security or a world of internal chaos and turbulence. If it’s the latter, it can cause significant emotional and psychological damage. That’s why we need to work to establish stability by avoiding that type of behavior.   Here are 3 ways dads cause family tension. 1. Volatility The other day, my son left his socks in the living room after I told him to pick them up. When I had to remind him, he anxiously said, “Oh, no! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!” as he ran past me to the living room to pick them up. Yes, he said sorry five times. His reaction was shocking to me. I wasn’t mad and had spoken calmly the whole time. It made me think back to all the times I yelled or spoke harshly to him for similar things. It’s made me wonder how much anxiety I have caused him. Is he afraid of how I’ll react?...

  There are lot of things a dad can’t control, and we have to accept it. However, there are some things you can control in your life as a dad, and you absolutely should.   Here are 3 things you can control in your life as a dad. 1. Your Time Cell phones have given us the opportunity to work from anywhere at anytime. We also have access to sports, movies, and TV whenever we want, but if we let these things control our time, we won’t be able to spend it with whomever matters most: our families. My biggest fear is when my two sons grow up, I reach out to them wanting to hang out and they tell me that they are too busy. If you want to avoid being the dad in the song “Cats in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin, start carving out time for your family now and be present in their lives while you have all of them in your house. 2. Your Temper The obvious thing that comes to mind is not swearing or being physical, but that should be a given. As men we need to be way better than that. What I am...

 Your daughter is happy. Her first love goes on a date. She doesn't feel insecure because she is aware of her date's unconditional affection for her. He has been a part of her life forever. He is enjoyable, dependable, and faithful. A knock on the door is heard. Your heart melts when she opens the door, sees her date, and grins, saying, "Hello, Daddy." 1. Do Her Favorite Thing. Figure out her favorite activity, game, or sport. A date can be as simple as playing “horse” if she loves basketball or sitting at a park table making crafts. 2. Go on a Picnic. Pack her favorite foods, particularly dessert. Make a playlist of her favorite songs. Find a great field and put down a comfortable blanket. After eating, read to her or lay down and play cloud shapes. 3. Paint Pottery. This gives you the opportunity to be creative and come away with something tangible to remember your time together. 4. Go to a Carnival/Festival. A corn-dog, funnel cake, cotton candy, and your daughter ...

 Cross-culturally, a father's instinct is to safeguard his daughter. To be honest, our daughters look to us for stability regardless of our parenting style. It's not a sentiment that dates back. It's ingrained in our daughters' minds to see us dads as their guardians. Only a few of the risks are covered in this article. Don't give up because awareness and family communication are the keys to overcoming this obstacle. Maintain regular communication, be a reassuring and loving presence in your daughter's life, and make sure she understands how much you cherish her. 1. A Lack Of Identity It’s difficult to use our best judgment without being grounded. It’s dangerous to not know who you are. Let there be no doubt that your daughter knows both  who she is  and  whose she is . 2. Herself Certainly related to #1—we can be our own worst enemy when we don’t have a moral filter. It’s a mistake to assume kids will make the right decisions without coaching. That’s what famil...

  In August 2011, the Iowa West girls High School Volleyball team was getting ready to start a new season after winning a state championship the year before. The team was led by their All-State setter, a 5-foot, 8-inch ball of joy named Caroline Found. Nicknamed “Line” or “Liner,” Caroline had an infectious zest for life. She made teammates better athletes on the court, but also lifted people’s spirits off the court. Everyone loved Line because she loved them first. There were even times when a match was about to start and her coach couldn’t find her because she was off talking to members of other teams. Her story and the story of the West girls volleyball team is told in a great movie called  The Miracle Season. 1. Teach Her to Put Others First “There are many lonely people in the world just waiting for someone to invite them into the group.” There are too many people in this world who think of themselves first. Challenge your daughter to be different. Teach her to think of o...

 "Being confident spreads easily. Likewise, insufficient confidence is. –Lombardi, Vince. Our daughters' confidence is being targeted and directly attacked, which creates a huge business that feeds off of their damaged self-esteem. It's critical for fathers to understand how to boost their daughters' self-esteem. Fathers who have girls have a special responsibility to nurture humility and confidence in their daughters from a young age. There are incredible risks associated with not doing so. Teenage pregnancy, drug misuse, failing grades, and even suicide are all products of low self-esteem among girls. They might never break free once they get into the cycle. Here are some pointers for developing self-assured daughters. 1. Listen to Her. Many women feel like they aren’t heard. Honest communication can solve the majority of problems our families face, yet it can sometimes be so difficult to achieve. When she reaches out, she wants to talk–not be lectured or scolded. A...

  One of the key jobs for a parent is to create a safe and stable environment for the kids. When they feel safe, they have the freedom to grow, test boundaries, and explore. Otherwise, they are consumed by fear and anxiety. Here are 5 ways to make your children feel secure. 1. Give your time. The most important aspect of having children who feel secure is giving them your time—real-time talking, sharing, laughing, and learning.  2. Give affection. Children need affection from a father as much as (if not more than) from their mother. A gentle hug, a kiss on the forehead, or holding hands as you walk together shows kids you love them. In regard to child development, affection makes a world of difference. 3. Praise them.  When it’s warranted, always be sure to praise them loudly and proudly. Your verbal encouragement will provide the security they require to flourish. 4. Consistently hold boundaries. Children test limits repeatedly. When you enforce boundaries, you make them...

 A strong feeling of self-worth underpins a great deal of the topics I cover in my books, including listening to parents and other authority figures, treating others with respect, and deviating from social norms. It's crucial to develop self-esteem in ourselves as well as in our children. You Were Created By God and He Cares It would be the understanding that you were created by God. Before you were ever born, God knew who you would be. Your abilities, interests, and passions are combined within you in a way that has never been seen before. You are unique, and that is good. That’s the way God intended it to be. God doesn’t sleep, and He cares for you. As Jesus told the crowd that assembled when He gave what is known as the Sermon on the Mount, God takes care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? God knows your needs and your desires before you can even ask. He cares about you in your day-to-day living, in your ex...

  I don’t know about you—maybe you had a great childhood or a bad one. Whether you struggled as a kid or not, as a dad, you want to know how to give your child a better childhood.   Here are 3 ways to make your kids’ childhood better than yours. “What do you wish your dad had done, but he never did? Do that for your kids.” 1. By Picking Up Where Your Dad Left Off What do you wish your dad had done, but he never did? Do that for your kids.  What did he start with you but never finish? Maybe there was a class project when you were a kid and your dad was too busy to help. So help your kids with theirs. Or start a fun project with your kids and finish it with them. Be involved in those seemingly small endeavors in your kids’ lives. You get to set the tone by building up your kids’ capacity to commit—and your commitment to them shows them their value. 2. By Providing What Your Dad Couldn’t Maybe your dad was physically present but emotionally unavailable. Or maybe he was busy ...

  What manners do you have to repeat to your kids most often? I’m constantly reminding one of mine to chew with his mouth closed. He’s heard it so much that now I just say, “Lips!” For the sake of his future table mates, I’ll never give up on this. We learn most manners as kids, but as we get older, the way we apply them morphs to fit different relationships. What if we applied a few of the most important manners to how we relate to our exes? Call it ex-spouse etiquette.  Think you can mind these 3 manners with your ex? 1. Keep your hands clean. It’s good manners to wash up so we don’t spread germs, but our hands aren’t the only way we spread sickness around. These infect the relationships in our lives with negativity. When are you most tempted to say something unkind about your ex? If it’s when you’re with your friends, tell them conversations about her are off-limits. If it’s when you’re around your kids, find a different way to release your anger or annoyance, like journali...

  I came across an interview with Johnny Cash on the   Late Show with  David Letterman . In the segment, Cash described the period in his life when he came very close to death due to an extreme addiction. He painted a dire picture of a man at rock bottom and near extinction. “There was a point in my life that the only person that would talk to me was the Lord, and the only woman that would have me was Betty Ford.” That quote speaks loud and clear. He acknowledges what saved him from suffering the same fate (early death) as so many of his peers. Mr. Cash had a deep faith even at his lowest points in life. Knowing there was always a hand holding his allowed him to garner the strength to ask for help. All of us will have moments that will test us to the deepest parts of our souls. The key to handling life’s storms is how strongly rooted you are in your faith. To that end, here are 5 ways faith can see you through the storm: 1. Prayer “Courage is fear that has said its prayer...

  Although he lived more than 2,000 years ago, Jesus of Nazareth is on the front of every major magazine every year. He is widely considered the greatest leader is history. Napoleon Bonaparte said of him, “I know men; and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for him.” One of the things Jesus emphasized was prayer and it’s vital role in our lives. Based off of his teaching, here are 5 things to show you how to pray for your children. 1. Pray that your kids connect with God. “Relationships are what make life rich and full. ” Relationships are what make life rich and full. No relationship does this more than our relationship with God. We were made for it. 2. Pray that your ...

  Typically, we gain wisdom through experience. But with this simple request, Solomon gained a level of knowledge and understanding it normally takes a lifetime to collect.   Fortunately, we get to benefit from his inspirational words of wisdom. He wrote several books of the Bible, including Proverbs. Here is some of King Solomon’s wisdom for dads. Listen and discern for the right guidance. In Proverbs 1:5, Solomon says, “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” Before you weigh in on a subject or make a major decision, make sure you have the most information you can gather. We tend to make quick judgments with our kids, often without listening to their points of view. However, the wise are slow to speak and quick to listen. Never stop learning. Seek out the guidance and counsel of others who have gone before you. Be informed before moving or speaking. Keep good company, and you’ll grow. In Proverbs 13:20, Solomon says, “Walk wi...

 My wife gently corrected me recently. And when she had opened her heart, I had to admit, even though I cringed. She was entirely correct. Her worry? I always gave the impression that I was "working" on my day off by putting the kids and my lengthy to-do list ahead of her. My family is something that I had been taking for granted. My spouse politely conveyed that she would rather that I spend my day off with her and the children, doing activities that are meaningful to them, than focusing on finishing my to-do list. 1. Other less important things get more of your time than they do. When friends, sports, or hobbies start consuming more of your free time than your family gets, those you love are sure to notice. 2. You find yourself regularly enjoying time alone more than time with your family. This might include hiding in your room on the computer, or out in the garage doing your own thing, or being with your family in person but not truly being present. 3. Your kids r...

  In situations like that you have no time to think, instinct takes over. Dwayne Johnson’s natural instinct was that of a loving father. Loving fathers are self-sacrificing and protect their children. Here are 5 more things a loving father does for his children. 1. Loving fathers… love their children’s mother Love your wife without reservation – you can’t do much more for your kids than that. If you are divorced, treat your children’s mother with respect, even if it is not reciprocated. Never return disgrace with disgrace. 2. Love them unconditionally Make sure that your children know you love them no matter what. Don’t confuse this with permissiveness. Unconditional love does nothing to encourage the wrong kind of behavior. In fact, kids who are secure in their father’s love tend to act out less, not more. 3. Grow up We’re talking about us here, not the kids. Children don’t want another buddy; they want a dad. They want someone who thinks things through, makes tough decisions, and...

  Kids’ minds are very complex, especially as they’re growing up. One of the biggest questions they have is about what they’re worth. They are going to start to answer that question in their closest relationships, based on how their loved ones treat them. And that starts with their families. Do my parents love me? Do my parents care about me? Does my family think I’m important? There are things we can do to show our kids their value. Here are some of those things. Tell them. Let them know everyday what their worth is. Tell them: We love you. You’re important. You’re awesome and we love having you in our family. Spend time with them. After you tell them, you have to go one step further. You have to show them that they have worth. You do that by spending time with them. Put your phone down, ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say. If you want your kids to have a positive self-worth, you have to tell them and show them

  Disney wasn’t  afraid of failure.  He didn’t pretend it wouldn’t happen, either. Do you have this mindset? No matter how proficient we are, we will fail as dads, husbands, employees, and leaders to some degree. We’re not perfect, but we don’t have to be. We can take failures in stride, learn, and adapt for the sake of future success.   When the inevitable happens, remember the 3A’s of flourishing after personal failure. 1. Acknowledge If you don’t recognize your failures, you’re either in denial or living in a blind spot. Identify your failures by taking regular stock of wins and losses in business, relationships, and hobbies. Ask yourself, “When and where did I go wrong?” Pin down errors and admit them to yourself. Be mature enough to tell yourself the truth. Ignoring failure is running from accountability. You owe it to yourself to be the best version of you possible. It starts with acknowledging you’re not perfect, and that’s OK. 2. Address It’s natural to ...

  It’s so important to check in with people. Companies conduct annual reviews with employees. Kids get report cards. It’s not a bad idea to do a marriage review either, but you don’t have to wait until the end of the year to work on your relationship.   Regularly asking how things are going will show your spouse you care. Here are 4 questions to ask your spouse daily. 1. What made you smile today? Former Speaker of the House Chris Sprowls visited our office one day and shared his evening routine. He sits around the dinner table with his family every night and asks for their “high-low-funny,” meaning the best, worst, and funniest moments of the day. It’s a way to get to know each other well, and he always starts by finding out the best thing that happened. I think this is a great idea for marriages. It would demonstrate to your spouse that you care about what makes him or her happy. It will draw the two of you closer because sharing joy bonds people together. Find out what make...